HERE WE GO!!!!
So, throughout life I have always been bigger. Now what "bigger" means, I don't really know. To some people I am chubby, to some I am fat and maybe to some I am obese. Now, I know this. I am not blind to the fact that I am not skinny. Of all the people in the world who should know that, it is me. I am the one with the body. For a long time I really hated myself, I didn't think I was pretty or beautiful and when people told me those things I just shrugged it off. I hate getting compliments, I go all blushy and never really know what to do. Obviously I say thank you, but you know! I just cannot believe the pressures that the media puts on women (and men) to be so perfect. My friends, I am going to let you in on a little secret. Perfection does NOT EXIST. The one thing that you can control no matter what? The kind of person you are. Be kind, be generous, be strong, be stubborn, be the very best version of yourself. That is all that matters in the world, work hard and be smart. Smart is intriguing, Using the correct grammar is attractive. (I make mistakes, I know.) Having knowledge about what is going on in the world and having goals in life is sexy. Unfortunately the media has set the bar so high for people in the world that it is completely impossible to meet, unless of course you have all the money in the world for personal chef, make up artists, personal trainers, hair stylists and personal shoppers. Unfortunately for the "normal" people of the world it just isn't realistic. Unless of course, you are born with some magical genes. Which does happen in some cases, lucky ducks. The genes I was born with? short legs, big boobs (trust me, I have lost weight...and so they remained lol), tiny feet and chubby cheeks. However, on a positive note, I was also born with: a cute nose, straight teeth, big boobs ;) (win/lose) and freckles and to me those are wonderfully great genes. There are always many beautiful things about people, but unfortunately we like to only notice the negatives. I could sit here and continuously be my toughest critic and focus on everything that I didn't get, the skinny gene that I oh so wish was there. Because shit, I do. Obviously, I would love to eat whatever the hell I want and never gain a pound. I have seen people with it and I am jealous. But the reality is, I wasn't. So instead, I eat mostly what I want and go to the gym. I don't necessarily go to the gym to lose weight, I go to be healthy. I run, I lift weights, and guess what... I am not "skinny." The whole reason I brought this topic up was because:
One day I was at the gym. I was jogging on the treadmill, I think the distance on the machine was 3.2 kms, and yes I jogged for the majority of that distance already and I was still going. I am proud of the fact that I can jog/run because when I first started going to the gym there was no way in hell that I could run for that long. Anywhoooo, a very skinny, and honestly beautiful young girl started jogging beside me. She looked over at my machine and then looked at me, and without any hesitation said, "wow! that is pretty impressive for someone of your stature." I was honestly so taken aback by this comment I didn't, even know what to say. By going to the gym I learned to never judge a book by it's cover because even some of the skinny girls can hardly run and don't even think about them lifting weights. JUST because someone is skinny doesn't mean shit and just because someone is fat doesn't mean shit either. You have no idea what is going on inside their bodies. It is sad that the media rewards someone simply because they are skinny. Even if that person smokes, drinks and eats terribly... It's okay because they fit the criteria set out by the media. Kind of got off track there for a bit. Anyways, back to my story. I know a lot of you who read know me very well, and if you know me then you know that my facial expressions don't hide how I am feeling and I think this chick got the message loud and clear. I think my face was a mix of 75% WTF 15% wanna race bitch and 10% hurt. Depending on the day I usually have a pretty thick skin towards strangers but that was so uncalled for, WHO SAYS THAT?!? Even though the majority of my look was "you are a bitch" the little tiny part was thinking, ouch. She has no idea who I am, what my story is, how long I have been coming to the gym and that was just such a dumb thing to say to anyways. Remember when I said that being kind, and generous and smart was attractive? This girl who already has her looks going for her became a little uglier because of what she said. If for some reason, she was being polite, like "well done, that is impressive, keep going"....or whatever. That is a totally different story. The look on the girls face when she said this to me was beyond snobby and rude. There was no compliment hidden within what she was saying and I feel like really just said it to be mean. Beauty on the outside never automatically means that they truly are a beautiful person.
This is honestly something I have continued to struggle with for a lot of my life, and just recently I realized that there are so many other important things in the world rather than continuing to worry about being judged based on my weight. I don't have health problems, I can run a fair distance from a creep if need be, I can also perhaps knock that creeper out. If your weight is affecting your everday life then, yes, perhaps you do need to take into consideration that you may need to lose weight. And I am definitely not sitting here I saying that I am a super healthy person, because I'm not, but dieting to a point that makes you sad is just sad. Eat the peice of cake, just maybe make it a little smaller and go for a walk afterwards instead of watching a movie. Things really are OK in moderation and if you love yourself, that is all that matters. The people in your life that really love you don't care what size you are or what you had for dinner and the people that do care about only those things are toxic and poisionous. The reality is, that we are who we are and we can't become somebody else. If you don't like the way you look, by all means go to the gym, change your eating habits BUT if you ever do those things, make sure you are doing it for you and only you. Do it for the right reasons. Don't ever let anyone tell you that aren't good enough the way you are. If someone does tell you that you aren't good enough? Walk away. Those are the people that will bring you down in life and make you believe all of the toxic things they are saying. Remember, most of the time, the bullies in the world are the people who have the most self worth problems.
You are brave, smart, strong, beautiful, independent and unique. And to be completely honest, whoever says any different? Fuck them.
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| Innocent face but I swear like a sailor. |
Have a wonderful week readers <3
xo
-Shelb
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