I don't even know how to talk about this last year. I can't believe how fast it flew by. The beginning of 2013 was so far, the toughest and most difficult point in my life. I ended things with my ex and honestly I had never felt more alone. Even though I was surrounded by people who cared about me and were standing behind me no matter what decision I made I was walking away from the one person that had been there for me for the past 3 years and that was something that couldn't be replaced. I suppose I never really talked about it much on here but it definitely put me in a rough spot in my life. Just because you are the one doing the breaking up doesn't mean that it is any easier. I was literally walking away from someone I knew loved me more than anything in the world, that had my back and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Everything that I had been planning and was certain about in my life was no longer there to catch me and for the first time in 3 years I was alone. After that I went into a..."dark" spot I guess. I did a lot of things I am not proud of and made a lot of mistakes. Even though I knew that this was the right thing to do and we had discussed that we just weren't meant to be didn't mean I didn't miss him. January and February I threw myself into school, work and the gym. I had hardly any free time and the free time I did have was spent with my friends. I never let myself be alone and bored because that is when the lonliness really sunk in. Then from March until just about May I through myself into partying...my "dark" spot I guess I call it lol. Looking back at those few months I am not sure I know that girl very well, or want to know her again. I was never a huge partier so I guess I just needed to get it out of my system. My sister kept telling me that it would get easier and I got to a point where I didn't believe her. But looking back and knowing how I feel now, she was right. It didn't take a week or even a month. It took months, and having to remind myself of the reasons why we didn't work helped me work past it all.
Eventually it became much easier and I focused my time on useful things like school, and my new job. I looked back on the things that had happened to me in the last 6 months and it was such a whirlwind of emotion. But throughout the whole process I had the best of friends helping me along the way. Although this year was filled with a lot of tears, it was indeed filled with more smiles. I reconnected with some long lost friends and I couldn't be happier. I have taken the time to myself and found that I am OK on my own and that I am fine. I think that is the hardest thing to get past when you break up with someone, being alone. But one thing you don't realize for quite sometime is that you are never really alone. There are always people who stand beside you and hold your hand. When you realize that you have those people around you it makes the process of moving on so much easier. Another thing that makes things easier is just not caring what other people think of you. It is exhausting trying to please the people around you and if they don't like you for the way you are then there is no point in wasting your time trying to please someone who isn't worth the effort.
2013 was a year of learning and growing, and I can honestly say that I did so much of those two things. I love the person I am, the friends I have and the direction I am headed. I can't wait to rock this year with the people I love most in this world. I know people always say they have the best group of friends but I can bet you that my group really is the best, I have no idea where I would be without them. Well, I can make a few guesses and I am not sure I like it much.
I think what I am most excited for this year is my trip to England. One of my best friends moved there this past September and it is killing me. I guess I just get really attached to people and it is really hard for me to let them go, even if it is just to a different country. I think what made the whole situation even more difficult is that she was one of the people who really helped me through the rough parts of my year and I wasn't sure what I was going to do without her. But she has been gone for almost 4 months and I am surviving. I cannot wait to go and see her and explore London. Only like 42 days.
Eventually it became much easier and I focused my time on useful things like school, and my new job. I looked back on the things that had happened to me in the last 6 months and it was such a whirlwind of emotion. But throughout the whole process I had the best of friends helping me along the way. Although this year was filled with a lot of tears, it was indeed filled with more smiles. I reconnected with some long lost friends and I couldn't be happier. I have taken the time to myself and found that I am OK on my own and that I am fine. I think that is the hardest thing to get past when you break up with someone, being alone. But one thing you don't realize for quite sometime is that you are never really alone. There are always people who stand beside you and hold your hand. When you realize that you have those people around you it makes the process of moving on so much easier. Another thing that makes things easier is just not caring what other people think of you. It is exhausting trying to please the people around you and if they don't like you for the way you are then there is no point in wasting your time trying to please someone who isn't worth the effort.
2013 was a year of learning and growing, and I can honestly say that I did so much of those two things. I love the person I am, the friends I have and the direction I am headed. I can't wait to rock this year with the people I love most in this world. I know people always say they have the best group of friends but I can bet you that my group really is the best, I have no idea where I would be without them. Well, I can make a few guesses and I am not sure I like it much.
I think what I am most excited for this year is my trip to England. One of my best friends moved there this past September and it is killing me. I guess I just get really attached to people and it is really hard for me to let them go, even if it is just to a different country. I think what made the whole situation even more difficult is that she was one of the people who really helped me through the rough parts of my year and I wasn't sure what I was going to do without her. But she has been gone for almost 4 months and I am surviving. I cannot wait to go and see her and explore London. Only like 42 days.
So many amazing things have happened this past year, I am so thankful for my family and my friends. I am excited to start this year out!!
My new years resolution is to remember just how lucky I am, and always remind the people who matter how much I love them.
HAPPY NEW YEAR READERS!! If it is a fresh start you were looking for, this is it, take it and turn this year into whatever you want it to be. Now is your chance.
.xo
-Shelb
Comments
Post a Comment