Passion.

So! I like I have said before I am probably the most indecisive person I have ever met. I get excited for things and weeks later could I care less. Its terrible honestly, I am indecisive, spontaneous and not sure that I really ever think things through fully. I think my friends would say that I live with my head floating in the clouds. But then a split second later I am realistic and bitter, pessimistic. Who knows maybe that's just being a girl ;) but honestly if you have ever met me and you have thought what the hell? She is a little erratic, going back and forth... Trust me you aren't alone, I don't even understand myself so honestly I sure don't expect anyone to understand me either. So, a couple weeks ago I was talking about school and stuff with my friend and I knew that I really had to focus and think about school, I had gone twice before and it just didn't do it for me, honestly, I just didn't care. I finished both years and got my diploma and what not but I felt uneasy about the fact that I still hadn't figured what I wanted to do... but then I look around at the world and I realize that there are tons of people out there who have no idea what they want and I realize that I am lucky because I am able to go back to school, I mean I have to pay for it all myself which is a lot but at least I have a family that supports me and a roof over my head through the years of schooling I have ahead of me. I have gone back and forth with a lot of professions. But I have taken my time and really looked into each of the ones that I was interested in. I was thinking teacher for a long time, it made sense but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I was just thinking teacher because I was a little scared of  the profession I was really interested in. Now don't get your hopes up, I'm not going to tell you, I'm actually not telling many people, I can count on my hands the people who know and the only reason I am doing that is because I know this is something I cannot wait to pursue for me and only me. (And if you do know! Shhhh! :) I don't want to do it to prove anything to anyone or do it just because I can.  Its not an astronaut or anything cool like that either, sorry! ;) haha. But I cant honestly say, I have never ever been more excited to go to school, to prove to myself that I can do this. My friend sent me a quote that said "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." 

I can honestly and truly say that I am unbelievably scared of my dreams, they are big. I am just an ordinary girl with big dreams and maybe one day I will be extraordinary, passionate for my career like I have seen people be, whether it be, hairstylists, chefs, metal workers, artists, nannies, teachers, archaeologists, nurses, make up artists, receptionists, moms. I truly believe that everyone was born to do something, to make them feel special, some people find it right away, sometimes it takes people a few years or decades and then there are those people who never find passion in anything. I want to have passion for the career I wake up everyday to do, to challenge myself to be better and excel even when  myself or  people around me don't think I can or perhaps I do attempt this and it isn't in my cards, I'm not cut out for it, at least I will never look back and say I really wish I would have just followed my heart when I was younger. Things happen for a reason. Everyone deserves that feeling and I truly hope that if you're reading this you have found something to be passionate about and if you haven't don't be afraid to go after what you want. You deserve to make yourself happy too. 

xoxo-

Shelb