Well, two posts is more than I made last year, so I guess that is something! I am not entirely sure what I am going to write about today but I am sure there will absolutely be some rambling and ranting along the way!
Life is good. I am really enjoying work, which is nice. This is the first time I have just worked and not gone to school as well in a very long time, so having a pay check every two weeks that doesn't go to tuition is AMAZING. Though I know that will make it harder to go back, but I will go back one day, I am sure of it. I have really been trying my best to figure out what makes me happy and what kind of person I am, which has proven to be a very difficult task. I feel like so many people around me "have it together" and I am just over here making up the moves as I go.
About a month and a bit ago, for one of my best friend's stagette we had a psychic come over and she gave us each a private reading. Some things that she mentioned to me, I was unsure of but then there were a couple of things that she mentioned that really hit home, things that she said about me that I knew were real. As soon as I entered the room, she looked directly at me and said "oh my god, your mind moves so quickly. I can hardly keep up. Your spirit guides can't keep up. You are constantly overthinking, worrying and planning. You keep a very calm demeanour for someone whose mind is constantly ticking" I knew that this was completely true, and I knew that there was no way that she could have figured that out without even speaking to me. I am not entirely sure I have ever known what it is like to me calm, to be honest with you. I don't think I have had the luxury and if you have, know that I am completely jealous of you. She also mentioned that nature does calm me, especially being near water, which I do completely agree with. She told me that I am a young soul, which is why I am always changing my mind so much, never really feeling content and likely where my fear of commitment comes from (who is this lady and why does she know my life.) She told me that I was a gypsy soul and that I am not meant to be in one place or do one thing forever. I really appreciated the last part because I don't think that I am supposed to do one thing forever, I don't think I will ever find one passion and run with it for the rest of my life. I love doing lots of different things, I HATE being bored . She also told me that I will move, somewhere close to the water which is pretty cool. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not putting all of my marbles on this, but she absolutely did bring up some really wonderful points, especially about my mind. She told me that if I have something good, to let it be because my overthinking will ruin it and I am absolutely trying my very best not to overthink everything because that is when I come up with my own crazy delusions. And I finally do have something good and I know I need to learn to just breathe and go with the flow. I am a person with a big personality and a person that is not at all easy, and to be honest I have pretended to be the opposite. I have truly tried to trick myself into thinking that I am carefree and calm, but the truth is, I'm not. Not right now, but maybe one day. When I am able to sleep, I can sleep for hours and hours, it is miraculous how much I can sleep and if you knew this and ever wondered why I may sleep or nap so much, this is a very good blog for you to read. Sleeping is the ONLY time that my mind isn't completely taking over my life, so if the worry or the ideas and overthinking become too much, I go to sleep. I know that, that definitely is not the best way to deal with it, but I am trying some new, more productive things. I am going to try and take up some important self care activities, including meditation. I know with a mind like mine it will be a true challenge but I am really going to give it a try. I have gone to the mountains a lot lately, with some friends and also by myself, staying near the water and it really does soothe me. I am absolutely a work in progress, but I am doing my best to figure out who I am.
Life is good. I am really enjoying work, which is nice. This is the first time I have just worked and not gone to school as well in a very long time, so having a pay check every two weeks that doesn't go to tuition is AMAZING. Though I know that will make it harder to go back, but I will go back one day, I am sure of it. I have really been trying my best to figure out what makes me happy and what kind of person I am, which has proven to be a very difficult task. I feel like so many people around me "have it together" and I am just over here making up the moves as I go.
About a month and a bit ago, for one of my best friend's stagette we had a psychic come over and she gave us each a private reading. Some things that she mentioned to me, I was unsure of but then there were a couple of things that she mentioned that really hit home, things that she said about me that I knew were real. As soon as I entered the room, she looked directly at me and said "oh my god, your mind moves so quickly. I can hardly keep up. Your spirit guides can't keep up. You are constantly overthinking, worrying and planning. You keep a very calm demeanour for someone whose mind is constantly ticking" I knew that this was completely true, and I knew that there was no way that she could have figured that out without even speaking to me. I am not entirely sure I have ever known what it is like to me calm, to be honest with you. I don't think I have had the luxury and if you have, know that I am completely jealous of you. She also mentioned that nature does calm me, especially being near water, which I do completely agree with. She told me that I am a young soul, which is why I am always changing my mind so much, never really feeling content and likely where my fear of commitment comes from (who is this lady and why does she know my life.) She told me that I was a gypsy soul and that I am not meant to be in one place or do one thing forever. I really appreciated the last part because I don't think that I am supposed to do one thing forever, I don't think I will ever find one passion and run with it for the rest of my life. I love doing lots of different things, I HATE being bored . She also told me that I will move, somewhere close to the water which is pretty cool. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not putting all of my marbles on this, but she absolutely did bring up some really wonderful points, especially about my mind. She told me that if I have something good, to let it be because my overthinking will ruin it and I am absolutely trying my very best not to overthink everything because that is when I come up with my own crazy delusions. And I finally do have something good and I know I need to learn to just breathe and go with the flow. I am a person with a big personality and a person that is not at all easy, and to be honest I have pretended to be the opposite. I have truly tried to trick myself into thinking that I am carefree and calm, but the truth is, I'm not. Not right now, but maybe one day. When I am able to sleep, I can sleep for hours and hours, it is miraculous how much I can sleep and if you knew this and ever wondered why I may sleep or nap so much, this is a very good blog for you to read. Sleeping is the ONLY time that my mind isn't completely taking over my life, so if the worry or the ideas and overthinking become too much, I go to sleep. I know that, that definitely is not the best way to deal with it, but I am trying some new, more productive things. I am going to try and take up some important self care activities, including meditation. I know with a mind like mine it will be a true challenge but I am really going to give it a try. I have gone to the mountains a lot lately, with some friends and also by myself, staying near the water and it really does soothe me. I am absolutely a work in progress, but I am doing my best to figure out who I am.
xo
Shelb
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