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So, I wrote a book.

What is new in my life?  Well not a whole lot actually,  still going to school,  still have the same friends,  still worrying about everything,  still dealing with anxiety.  Isn't that just the life?  I suppose.  It is mine at least lol.

So, I feel like I have spent a lot of my time trying to find my "thing."  I always wanted to be that person who had one thing they were known for.  So I've tried it all,  I draw,  which is fun but I don't find myself constantly doing it and if I decide to do it as gift it seems like more of an effort than something I just enjoy.  I tried scrapbooking... Nope.  I tried running,  nah.  Then baking,  which I actually do love!  But somehow in the midst of looking for my "thing"  I never even realized that I had already found mine and I'd had it for a long time and it had always been my outlet, it had just been something that was always private and I never really put the pieces together. 

So,  I guess,  I have always had my thing.  Writing.  How could I be so blind to something that was so obvious?  I mean I have a blog and a journal and poems and stories... Haha. 

This last 9 months though,  I have really tried to push myself and I actually wrote an entire book!  It is 325 pages and honestly it is sad as all hell.  The only person who has even remotely read it is one of my professors and maybe some of you without even realizing it.  ;)  I literally poured my heart and soul into this book and it is very much based on a lot of my own personal experiences and that is most definitely the scariest part.  I feel as though this book is like a window to my soul and I'm not sure I'm ready for the people in my life to see that yet.  Although I really do love it and I'm so proud of myself for finishing it,  (I'm more of a starter,  less of a finisher.) Anyways,  I realize that this is probably mean,  talking about this book that I love that I wrote with every piece of my heart but I won't let anyone read.  I will one day but not today. Though,  I do have some short stories and poems that I found hidden in my computer from a long time ago that were really fun to read.  I just never realized how much I wrote down,  whether it was heart break,  happiness,  being sorry,  being scared, worrying.

I think that's my favourite part about writing everything down is that when I go back and read it,  it takes me right back to those feelings and I can remember exactly what had happened.  I think it's really important to document your life in that way and I'm really glad I do. 

I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time!  Maybe I'm not actually that great of a writer...  I go through phases,  ok?

I hope that your 2016 is going great so far and I hope that you have something that pulls you away from the stress of the real world like writing does for me.


Love you all,  thanks for reading!!!

Xo

Shelb

P. S -  Its called Baker Falls


"She cried in my lap as I stroked her hair,  I knew that there was nothing I could say to help mend what was broken inside of her.  She clung tightly to my skirt until she finally looked up at me with her swollen bloodshot eyes.

"Have you ever loved somebody that much,  mama?"

I didn't know what to tell her,  of course she wanted me to tell her that the pain goes away, that she would stop scanning every crowd hoping to see his face. That hearing his name would one day no longer make her heart ache. I didn't know what to tell her.  I wasn't ready to tell her that it would never stop hurting.  I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes,  remembering the way my hands fit so perfectly in his.

"yes, sweet girl.  I have." "


And also........

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